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Attachment Science: How Your Childhood is Shaping Your Parenting

As parents, we all want to provide a nurturing environment for our children to thrive. But have you ever stopped to consider how your own childhood experiences may be influencing your parenting approach? The field of attachment science offers valuable insights that can help us become more conscious, intentional parents.

At the core of attachment theory is the idea that the emotional bonds we form early in life have a profound impact on our development and future relationships – including the one we have with our children. The way our caregivers responded to our needs as infants and young children shaped our attachment style, which falls into one of four categories:

  1. Secure Attachment: Caregivers who were consistently attuned - feeling self-connected, trusting, and able to intuit their child's needs with empathy.

  2. Insecure Avoidant: Caregiver frequently ignored your attempts to connect, struggled with vulnerability, or was uncomfortable with certain emotions. This can manifest as dismissing a child's bids for connection or feeling angry over small things.

  3. Insecure Ambivalent: Caregivers who were sometimes present and sometimes distant, perhaps believing you needed to be "saved". They may have been over-helping their child when it's not needed or feeling insecure in their parenting abilities.

  4. Insecure Disorganized: Caregivers acted in frightening ways, feared your feelings, or were frequently emotionally distressed. This could look like fearing a child's emotions, screaming, threatening, or other dysregulated behaviors.

a table showing the four styles of attachment

Recognizing the attachment patterns we experienced as children is a powerful first step toward breaking intergenerational cycles and becoming the conscious, attuned parents our children need. When we can reflect on how we were raised with self-compassion, we open the door to making empowered choices about the family dynamics we want to create.

At The Hive, we believe knowledge is power when it comes to creating positive change. In our upcoming workshops and resources, we'll dive deeper into attachment science, offering strategies for nurturing secure bonds and reparenting ourselves with tenderness. Our goal is to equip you with the awareness and tools to show up for your children with presence, perseverance, and purpose.

So we invite you to join us on this transformative journey. The first step? Simply pausing to consider: How was I raised, and how might that be shaping my parenting today? The answers could be life-changing for you and your family.

-Katie Speert

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